Freedom from Obligation is the Best Gift
“I've reached that peculiar but serene stage in life when all I want for Christmas is less"
Even the most fortunate of us feel a bit of extra pressure around the end of the year. In a 2006 survey by the American Psychological Association over half of respondents reported they often or sometimes experience stress, irritability, and/or fatigue during the holidays, with the leading stressors being lthe feeling of obligation, lack of time, lack of money, and commercialism or hype (in contrast to work and money which lead at other times of year).
It’s not just Christmas.
What the whole season has become is enough to make anyone rebel against all that pressure.
I want to invent holidays out of that stress like: "Buy Nothing Day" and create a "Christmas Pre-NUPP!" (*No Unnecessary Presents Pact). It is a "You don't buy me anything and I don't buy you anything agreement."
GIVE LOVE and AFFECTION.
From the moment we lock the front door on Halloween night and start poking through the leftover trick-or-treat candy, we jump into a wild, obligation-filled bobsled run whisking us through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve until we’re dumped headfirst into the cold, slushy snow of the first bleak (often broke ) week of January.
We feel the whirlwind beginning as ads start to suggest “the perfect gift for the so and so on your list.” The list is assumed. Of course everyone has a List. Everyone must be buying. Then that post-turkey Friday comes and the frenzy in the stores begins. The crowds. The sensory overload of *enforced commercial festivity.
“Bring on the cheer, dagnabbit!” seems to be the underlying message of the barrage of Christmas music, holiday movie promotions, and red and green advertising plastered on every surface. Sometimes it seems like you couldn't throw a rock without hitting a Santa – and as December barrels on, the temptation to do so grows.
Oh, and let's not forget the family pressures.
Whether or not anyone in our own families applies it, pop culture is more than ready to step in with the traditional "holiday guilt."
“Welcome to December; here's your script; you know your part; it's Magic Time! And as ad sponsors would like to remind you, magic means presents!
So shop 'til you drop! Charge it! Don't forget your 19 nieces and nephews! After all, doesn't your family deserve a joyous holiday season?”
Friends and families gather, events are planned with all their special rituals running the gamut from four varieties of pies for differing tastes, right on up to Gift Exchange Nigjt, Midnight Mass and Auld Lang Syne in Times Square. People are pulled from their normal surroundings – or worse yet have to tidy them up for an onslaught of visitors – and are forced to do particular things at particular times, producing a source of stress.
There is no time of year more likely to run people ragged than the holidays.
It's not as though family tensions disappear; if anything, all the pressure to set the perfect holly jolly scene makes things worse!! And I don't know about your financial state of affairs, but I don't come to the end of the year thinking “Wow! Look at all this extra money! I think I'll buy a bunch of stuff for everyone.”
Like me, you've probably felt pressured to overspend at this time of year and had a lean winter trying to get back on track. Or simply ended up with more regrettable debt.
Well, I'm here to set you free! I want to tell you that holiday gift buying is optional. It is possible to have a happy family gathering without breaking the bank. You can have a blessed season without shattering your peace of mind. You can make it the season of giving without it being the season of shopping.
You don't have to buy presents.
Really.
You just don't have to.
Most people don't need more stuff and no one needs more debt.
Indeed, in that same 2006 APA survey 57% of respondents cited the pressure of giving and getting gifts as something that causes them stress.
{*getting gifts that you have to pretend you love, or getting a gift from someone you didn't get a gift for...causes stress}
Why put ourselves through this?
Most of us in the first world have so much stuff that a pile of (typically unthoughtful and cheap) presents is no longer exciting, no longer novel. There are lots of alternatives to the holiday shopping madness, many other ways to remind people you care about them. (Maybe something for the kids, but, again, you don't have to break the bank to spread that holiday cheer)
First and foremost, tell them you care! Write them a note, call them on the phone, whatever, but just say “You know, I am so glad to have you in my life.” Maybe suggest you get together at a specific time, perhaps after the holidays when things aren't so busy, but even if you only let them know that you appreciate them, you can be giving something much greater than a hastily selected present.
Some of my favorites that I have had tremendous fun making up are little books of Homemade gift certificates for future fun together.
Each one becomes a shared dream of a good time I want us to have together. The words, “A walk in the woods with the smell of damp earth and redwoods and the sound of the wind in the treetops” are already something special, made even better when you both make the time to make the dream real!!!
NOT SOLD IN STORES!
Add up all the stuff: all the decorations, stockings, tree stands, nativities, strings of lights, special plates for special meals, and we haven’t even come to the presents themselves yet. At some point my family began to see the forest instead of the Christmas tree and realized that despite all our rituals around the presents, our pleasure had almost nothing to do with the money that was spent, or even with the number of gifts them.
We began to lower the pressure on ourselves and shift our focus to the less stress-inducing parts of the holiday.
We started by saying that everyone should receive one big present, but that we shouldn’t all be buying extras.
We decided to draw names so that we each knew for whom we would thoughtfully shop for.
As the number of presents declined, so did our stress levels in December. That turned out to be the nicest gift we could give each other. We began to have more energy and joy and time for just being together on the holiday, cooking, talking, singing, reading aloud, and taking walks.
Before many more years passed, the habit of opening a present on Christmas Eve faded and was replaced with what we call "REINDEER GAMES" and experiential gifts to be shared – like a new board game or a bunch of fancy cheeses to try (wine & cheese soirée). Now the presents are entirely optional.
Our holiday memories are now more, not less, rich for having fewer things involved in the season. Our homes are less cluttered, causing the chosen items we do keep to stand out and enrich our lives more easily. We remember and celebrate family and friends through digital pictures and funny stories, rather than objects, and our days are happier for it!!
Each year now as I enter my holiday vacation time, it’s clear that the biggest gift my family has given each other is freedom from obligation!! The real gift and the real focus is being together. We have traded presents for presence.
Crave more Presence.
Gods presence first and then theirs.
Then you will truly have a
VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Todays cup of theoffee is a Grande Eggnog Latte, made from scratch!!
Robbs
