FRIENDS, HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM?

One of the most fundamental truths about the Christian life is that we were created for relationship. Yet many of us, even active church members, often struggle to form and maintain true, solid friendships. (Majority of the "friendships" are superficial, or only *group deep or church deep; if you leave that group or church the friendship dissipates.)

Then, we can compound our problems by being afraid to admit it. We readily imagine that if we don’t have such friendships, we must be deficient or unlovable, or ________ (fill-in-the-blank).

Partly this stems from a sense that genuine friendship should “just happen” among believers, as if it were our default setting as Christians, an automatic perk of conversion.  This is a false assumption, and there are many others. 

Firstly, deep and meaningful friendships don’t come easily—even within the church, and sometimes *especially within the church. And because from time to time we all sense that things ought to be different, we can find the challenges of biblical friendship perplexing, frustrating, and discouraging.

Ministry leaders are aware of this, and many have tried to fill the void. How, you ask? The current emphasis on small groups and accountability partners is one result. But programs can only put people together, they can’t build relationships.

I'll even share this telling observation: 

I have never once seen an accountability relationship work unless it was built on a pre-existing biblical friendship.

Let me interject and clarify what biblical friendship is and is not. Here is a working definition:

Biblical friendship exists when two or more people, bound together by a common faith in Jesus Christ, by his grace, pursue him and his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to Christ, who brought us into friendship with the Father. It is indispensable to the work of the gospel in the earth, and an essential element of what God created us for. (1John 1)

Let me expose the counterfeits; things we mistake for true biblical friendship. These include similar-stage-of-life and common-interest friendships, social-media “friendships,” and selfish friendships, the kind we pursue because of what we can gain personally. 

These are the sorts of things upon which the world bases its friendships. While some of these can be positive and enjoyable in a common-grace kind of way, my burden is to give us a vision for friendship that is higher, better, truer, and explicitly God-centered; friendship that brings us joy and draws us close to others because it’s  *main focus* is the kingdom of God.

Could there be anything more important than friendship?

When we reflect on our lives, they are measured not by our incomes or good works, but by our relationships—by our friendships. 

This is true for everyone.

I'm going to dive deeper into this and make some resolves. For, it is one of the deepest desires of my heart!

Stay tuned to Coffeecup Theology...I've got more studying to do...but I will be back to give you God's "theology of friendship" that we can eat and drink!

Time to perculate,

Robbs